Here are 7 things to try when your husband refuses to talk about problems: And for men, there’s a good chance they saw it modeled with their father or another male figure in their life. It is a tactic often learned in childhood. Stonewalling is a type of coping mechanism or lack thereof. The person stonewalling may think avoiding conflict is the best option. It is rooted in a fear of conflict and a desire to soothe anger and calm escalation.
It can occur as a physiological defensive response to a sense of feeling overwhelmed. Why are they stonewalling?Īlthough this is sometimes done on purpose, some people end up stonewalling involuntarily. They are more likely to withdraw emotionally from conflict discussions while women remain emotionally engaged. This is because of the way men are wired. This behavior is much more common in men. Metaphorically, it is building a wall that separates you from the other person. Someone stonewalling may simply walk away from the person trying to engage them. Stonewallers come up with endless excuses to avoid the conversation. They may pretend they are busy or become preoccupied with their phone. Stonewalling is characterized by silence, lack of eye contact, and disinterested gestures such as eye-rolling or shrugs. When someone refuses to communicate with the other person, it’s known as stonewalling. Others might repeatedly say, “I don’t want to fight”. They might meet your request to talk with a different excuse each time you bring it up. When you try to discuss the problem does it feel like you’re talking to a wall? Some husbands shut down, are unresponsive, or resort to one or two-word responses. When this happens, your relationship is unable to progress and more often than not, gets worse. That’s highly problematic and will create an unhealthy dynamic where both of you are either avoiding or living with the issues in the relationship. Alternatively, you may start feeling hopeless, which could lead you to stop trying altogether. This will only reinforce their refusal to open up. Or you might get frustrated meeting their “shut down” with strong emotions, like anger. This could have you trying harder, inventing more creative ways to get them to open up. Or they may become increasingly more defensive. It might seem like the more you press them to discuss the issue, the more they withdraw. The question is how can you move forward? One person shutting down when it comes to confrontation is far from uncommon. And if you’re the one who’s having a hard time communicating when there’s conflict, there are ways to feel more comfortable. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help your husband talk it out with you.
So what If your husband, or any partner for that matter, refuses to talk about problems? It might seem like the conversation is over before it even began. You’ve heard it time and time again: “Communication is key.” But it takes two to tango right? If you’re trying to repair your relationship, the first step is to address the issue. However, that requires effort from both people. All relationships have their problems, both big and small.
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